God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we should paint friendship bongs
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
