this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
