Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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