the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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