Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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