That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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