No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
