this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
