Whod you bang
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize