yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
