Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
