i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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