it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
