his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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