this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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