saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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