I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
