Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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