I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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