First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize