it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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