the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
