I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize