There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
