Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
