btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
