hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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