I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize