franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
