I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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