why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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