next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
