If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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