No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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