You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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