I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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