he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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