Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
