There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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