At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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