I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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