Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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