i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
