I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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