i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Of course I have a pirate flag
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
