I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize