I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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