every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
