The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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