I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
