thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
