so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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