Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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