I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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