It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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