how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize