Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
