i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
