i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize