if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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