Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
