I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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