it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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